_______ e c l i p s e # 0 8 W E L C O M E T O S M U R F L A N D ! _______ well here we are again another eclipse pack another eclipse infofile but - one difference i m writing the infofile again! (hey rai might wanna tighten up on the security buahaha!) anyways as we stroll through the central park of the scene as many of you know eclipse is officially dead after you read this THATS RIGHT! *YOU* ARE CAUSING ECLIPSE S DEATH BY READING THIS! READ EVERYTHING BACKWARDS TO REVERSE THE PROCESS! sheesh we lost some guys and we gained some people too strange that people want to join a dead group but oh well thats THEIR problem not mine ) anyways if someone s name was in the memberlist and isn t this time or vice-versa you you should know what that means (and if you dont heres a tip it means you need to format your HD or get acid to do it ) oh yeah and i d like to give a big hug to eerie and flame for actually taking the time to doodle us something for the LAST ECLIPSE PACK! wait why am i hugging you THAT WAS BAD! VERY BAD! YOU MUST PRETEND TO HATE US TO SHOW YOUR LUBBIN!^@$% ugh oh well =) whiteraven (whoa a new guy!) wants to be sure he s the *first* to report some of the news for the month you ll see this stuff here before ABC CBS or NBC even finds out about it! (whiteraven is striving to be the world s next big reporter he hopes to one day work for eclipse s favorite newspaper the national inquierer ) here goes - cheeze rai and whiteraven went to a neighbor s house and proceded to throw inflated sheep over his fence sadly enough the duo thought rai to be a sheep as well and tossed him over too fortunately rai was not badly injured a few head injurys never hurt anyone - splatt goes out to buy his first cd other than moriachi and mexican music but again to his dismay the store didn t take pesos instead of american dollars sorry splatt ) - torgo sucked in a tank of helium and died just kidding - *news flash* a giant winged demon appeared over grand rapids demanding that rai and splatt be fed to him the end of ecl more at 11 - sirdeath and lago were seen fleeing a seven11 with a slurpee machine a bag of pretzels and a carton of smokes we don t condone that kind of behavior but they better share with us anyways ) - diez cut the brakes on a hundred schoolbuses throughout michigan upon doing that sealed the fate of spear smokey and bold who were on their way to a decent education whiteraven was also in a wreck and survived diez left for cuba quickly afterwards wow now wasn t that swell =) i want to take this breif moment to thank pushead for this great picture! it s things like these that make us here at eclipse proud isn t it great ! you love us doncha pushead you really rai -- REALLY love us! erm i was going to put something exciting here but i can t remember it so phuwee since this is the last pack we decided we d tell you about the secret underground soul manager -- fortress we have been sharing with the michigan militia in it we discovered that torgo had a problem keeping his pants clean to say the least jeez torgo =) the fortress is located at 47 east 52 north oh wait i don t think i was suppos click **emergency message from warpus!** (help me ) OH SHIT!@%$!@% warpus died in a freak accident with a curling iron so here s a little message from that goofball ewheat!%#@$!#@ --- I decided everyone in Eclipse and the scene should own a Nintendo 64 not just the rich poopy-headed people like Tguardian So I made a info file on how to get free Nintendo64 s weRD!@# hAPPY!@# --- list of things you ll need --- scissors!@ construction paper (brown orange yellow) lOTS oF tHEM!@ (if yer fat moRE oF tHEM) a refridgrator cardboard box a red t-shirt a magnum 44 uhm gLUE!@ - uhm get them now1@ grr!@ - Cut a buncha circles with the brown construction paper gOOD joB!@# YOU RE ALMOST THERE!@# Paste -ALL- of your orange yellow paper on the card board box (be sh0re to make two holes in the box becuz you re gonna hafta go in the box yep) paste the circles on the box gOOD jOb!@%!@# DEWD! YER BECOMING ELITE!@#%@#% Put the red t-shirt on the cardboard box then use the magnum 44 and write Geoff on the t-shirt the front not the back (the front is where the holes are the two holes the ones you cut remember ) put the box on you NOW DONT YOU LOOK PROFESSIONAL !@ DEWD NINTENDO64 IS ALMOST heRE!@#% Then goe to toys-r-us near to you do not be startled if kids start running towards you just give them warez and they ll go away It s regular procedure Start bouncing around honking and squeaking Goe around hI *HONK* EYE M GEOFF THE GIRAFFE!@# uhm HI!#@%!@#% HELLO!@#%!@#%!*@#(%& *HONK* *SQUEAK* *HI*!@# ARE YOU A TOYS-R-US kID !@# HI!@# HELLO!@#% it ll take a little social engineering before you ll be able to get to the topic *HONK* SAY HEY WHERE ARE THEM NINtENDO 64 s LOCATED AT usually they ll tell you it s locked behind a door ask for the key no *HONK* BUT I M GEOFF THE GIRAFFE!@ HI!@#%!@# HELLO!@#%!@# I AM TOYS-R-US!@# They ll give you the key Then you go in the door Steal one of those boxes marked Nintendo64 (YES THAT S WHERE THE NINTENDO 64s ARE THERE!@# YOU RE ALMOST THERE!@#) Put them under the cardboard box with you make sh0re you hold tight so they dont fall on the floor (Nintendo 64s are really fragile) Make your way out of the store HI I m GEOFF THE GIRAFFE!@ I DONT HAVE A NINTENDO 64 UNDER MY SHIRT!@ NO I DONT!@# HEEHEH!@# WHAT GAVE YOU A RIDICULOUS IDEA LIKE THAT HI!@# UHm HI!@#%@#!% HELLO!#@% Uhm BYE!@# NOW you are a proud owner of a Nintendo 64 -Troubleshooting- manager I dont care if you re Geoff you can t have the keys suggestion Give him warez kid I DONT WANT WAREZ I WANT POOH BEAR! suggestion Give him zero day warez manager May I have the keys back suggestion uhm no manager Uhm yes suggestion uhm no manager uhm yes suggestion uhm yes manager uhm no suggestion hO hO HO YEW ARE A POOPY HEAD!@# YOu MuST PheAR tHAT!@^$%@&$!@&%$% h0h0h0! #@$!#@ in other news PAPA SMURF s HOUSE was DESROYED by GARGAMEL and his CHEMISTRY STUDENTS then they destroyed the rest of SMURFLAND just to show the SMURFS they were K-NIFTY with the wonders of modern magic (and a few FLOATING THINGS IN SPACE) we take you to the scene of the crime NOSMURF-CHEMIST BUAHAHAHA in the DIRT there is something written i believe it says NOSMURF-CHEMIST but i am not certain (in the above news report names and actual happenings have been changed to conceal the identity of the parties involved) yeah phear oh yeah rai kinda dropped the scene a bit after what happened to his HD his demi-final words were i found something else to satisfy my needs A BIG CAN OF SPAM!!&@%%!&@$ click why you ask is nothing in this infofile highlited to show its importance bECAUSE hIGHLITING iZ fOR sIZZIES!@$!%@$%!$@%^ h0h0h0h0 splatt has just told me the *truth* about his cousin Jo se Jo se isn t an opossum smugler from central mexio after all he is really the founder of EVERYONE S FAVORITE DANCE THE MACARANA! YAY! i know you all want to lean the moves so here we go!!@#!$@$ *poof* rai jeez that was turning into a horrible mess! torgo where s my sock WHERE THE HELL IS MY SOCK! mercuri HEY! I VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY! SHUTTUP YOU DAMN COMMIE BASTARDS! (mercuri HAD something to say but he got hit in the head with a rubber chicken so i don t think he ll be saying much of *anything* from this point on) --- end of the eclipse the path of totality wavers for a moment and the darkened denizens of the earth conjure a glimmer of hope the moon is moving after all these months earth s sister resumes its orbit along one side of the moon sun crackles through bringing the first rays of light since this strange tirade began far above the earth a small grey figure can be seen climbing from a small hole in the tycho crater removing itself to a nearby craft the alien being smiles and nods quaintly at the suddenly brightened earth light has returned to the earth and the moon moves on but there will be a time in the not so distant future when the forces that control the alien minds deem it fit to once again bathe the earth in darkness and when that time comes be ready flashlights matches and all sources of light will make a scratch against the night do not fall as others have done so easily standing resolute the alien salutes a job well done he climbs into the ship adjusts a knob and pushes a throttle and in a second his existance is only a faded memory -diez --- eclipse has now faded and sunlight is bestowed upon the scene once more nanu- nanu and goodnight - if you didn t enjoy this don t blame me blame him HE DID IT ALL! ITS HIS FAULT! I SWEAR^@!&$!$@ WAAAAA!%@$%^!@#$